Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
