We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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