we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
