He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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