Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
