A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
