I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
