Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
