Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
