How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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