I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The best revenge is premature balding
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
