Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
