and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
