After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
