Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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