i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
