Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
