You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize