I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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