While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
