I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
