All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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