He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
