Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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