You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
