you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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