my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
