So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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