I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
