I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
