I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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