oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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