he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
