They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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