My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
