i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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