Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize