That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
