just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
