Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
