I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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