Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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