Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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