You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
