Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
