If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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