she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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