it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
