I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
