i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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