i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
