I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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