Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
