It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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