Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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