I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
