You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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