thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
