**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
