I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
