Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
