Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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