I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
