Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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