I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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