Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
