I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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