I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He better not be in your backpack
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
