dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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