Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
