This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
